Vehicle Cupholders Math...

January 13, 2015  •  1 Comment

© John Cadell PhotographySUV Math... Christmas Shoppers at Town Center, Virginia Beach, VA. Awlrighty then…

Yes indeed, it has been quite a while “more than a minute” since I last attempted to put out a new “Monday’s Musings…”  truth be told… ‘writer’s cramp’… CRS (Can’t Remember Squat) along with a very busy work life, becoming a grandparent… church and community commitments… yada..yada..yada.. has put a huge damper on available ‘free thought’ time.  Indeed, it is good to be working, and the long hours are rewarding in many ways… but there are the proverbial ‘side effects’ that go with this as well.  Hence, in a pathetic attempt to ‘borrow’ some thoughts and concepts from Zen and Feng Shui – pronounced - 風水 in my ‘life’ to achieve some sort of balance, ‘it has been interesting’.  There have been ‘certain external persuaders out there’ whom I won’t mention too specifically, other than their initials are Mary and Ellen… to name but 2 of actually quite a few… who have been quietly (yeah, right – they’re both native Central NJ types) ‘hinting’ (like a football bat being driven by Thor’s Hammer) to get on the stick and WRITE.  Fine… this one is for y’all…

Picture this:  Some reckless fool seriously attempting to make a left on green from the far right turn lane at a very busy intersection.  Yeah, of course it was during the Holidays – shoppers were out in full force wreaking havoc on us wary and very suspicious ‘other drivers’ who were merely trying to survive getting to our intended destinations without significant ‘field changes’ to the original design of our vehicles – read: KA - B L A M… oopsies… ‘my bad’ type reactions from the initiator as said individual placed their Starbucks® cup in one of those 30,000 cup holders found in your average SUV. Heck even my manly-man Tundra code-name “Starship Elvis” has at least a dozen.  Which gives one pause to do the math on that particular expressive equation… if a vehicle has a capacity of say 4 occupants, why on earth are there at least a dozen places for drink holders with the auto-sensing/sizing features that can read the cup size and determine the appropriate amount of pressure to apply to keep said container from launching within said vehicle?  Granted, that’s a pretty nifty feature, and I personally think that Jeep® upped the ante when they started the glow-ring feature a few years ago for those with early morning/late evening commutes… the best one was the final glide slope approach lighting system borrowed from USN aircraft carriers – red if you were off-target during placement and in danger of wreaking serious havoc with the genuine imitation leather seats or unsuspecting occupants laps, shifting to green when you were lined up with said cup holder, but I digress.  The point is – there is AT LEAST 3 holders per occupant of said vehicle.   Why?  For most of us (starting with me) we generally drive somewhere around the less than 50 miles per day in commuting to work, shopping, getting the “honey-do’s” moved to the “honey-done” column.  For younger folks who are constantly running the kids to sports and other activities would perhaps justify the need for the additional holders.  Think about it – the average 8 year old has a consumption rate approaching that of the camel after a soccer game.  Okay, I get it, as do most other people… and when you watch the advertisements for new vehicles, it is rare to see anyone past the age of 35 being used as the ‘human factor’. Nope, according to auto-makers, us geezers past the age of 35 don’t really count when it comes to advertising for SUVs.  Now granted, I wouldn’t be caught dead in an SUV, unless it’s when I’m taking my wife’s RAV4 in for servicing at the dealership – and that’s about the ONLY time you’ll see me in it, period.  I’d rather pay the extra $$$ in fuel to go places in my roomy manly-man Tundra any day of the week.

Many years ago when we were getting serious in our relationship going truly permanent, I was driving her beloved Toyota Van with 2 large and 1 small dogs.  Said large dogs Furball & Kira were in the 2nd row of seats, loving life because the windows were open, and big dogs LOVE to ride with the windows open… it’s a dog thing – don’t ask.  Okay, wonderful, but what about the 3rd member of our canine team – what was this one up to? Small dogs have a serious attitude about their size… and they voice it quite loudly and constantly at the slightest provocation… or none at all.  Again… it’s a dog thing.  Okay, now, picture yours truly driving said “soccer mom van”… Mr. Yappy – better known as Cheyenne… is not only voicing his opinion on anything and everything… but he is doing it with his front section on my lap, with his nose partially out the window.  Not exactly what you want others to see, if you are to be a self-respecting manly-man type (which I am a card-carrying member of).  As luck would have it, a tractor trailer rolls up next to us at a traffic light, and the driver begins honking his air horn repeatedly.  Next thing I know, my cellphone lights up – one of my surfing buddies is calling me. Okay, fine… “Yo Bro’… wassup?”  “Hey Bro… NICE looking fee-fee dog ya’s got there riding shotgun… looking sharp manno…” Said caller was in said semi.  One word:  BUSTED.  I caught grief for a month from other surfers and several others who ‘got the word’… they were also warned that it looked pretty serious about my relationship – to be seen in public driving a soccer mom van showed real commitment.  Having a fee-fee dog in my lap was the final confirmation.  That van was truly cool – we could fit our surfboards in there – and these are 9 feet 6 inches in length… but there weren’t ANY cup holders.  Go figure. 

PS - our 11th wedding anniversary is this week... something about permanent relationship mean anything?

Happy Trails Y'all...


Comments

1.Tim(non-registered)
That was fun John. Enjoyed the Starship Elvis story. Nice ride. Happy anniversary to you both.
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